This is when you know you’re depressed: when your lack of luck in dating and relationships becomes a number, a statistic. When the real emotion isn’t there and the logic of it creeps into play. Cause love isn’t logical, and when it will happen, hit you like a ton of bricks, when you will meet that person isn’t precidtable … it can be helped along with effort (which has not been my strong point), but it can’t be predicted. When it happens, you just know, and there isn’t a thing you can do about it (which is good!)
My lack of “mojo” as Danielle reminded me of this morning (best 8 AM call I’ve gotten in a long time!) for so long was nothing more then a number, a source of decimals that can only lead to depression. Sixty-two, then Forty-Two more. You won’t know what those numbers mean, except that my own lack of confidence and pursuit of relationships for so long has made these two numbers (at different times) something that hurt and made me very lonely.
But now there is a new number … as of right now, it’s forty-one. The number of hours until it’s 5 PM on Saturday when I’ll be in Columbus and going out with Danielle. And unlike those past numbers, which only add, and never can incrementally go away, this number will drift to nothing. And when the number is gone, silly things like logic and numbers won’t matter. All that will matter is the moment, and the time that moves too quick, and getting to know Danielle more and more.
I haven’t hoped so hard for that ton of bricks to hit as I do right now!
The other thing that surprises me so much and yet makes me feel unblievably good: I’m not nervous. Seems like that I am meeting Danielle for the first time in person on Saturday, I should be worried, nervous, anxious, and I’m just not. Maybe it’s just that I believe we’re very compatible, or that, as the previous blog post said, that “it’s not just me”, but those jitters and nerves are just not there. I’m excited, I can’t wait, and it will be me and Danielle becoming closer, and I have no reason to believe it won’t go well.
I don’t say that either as the normal “guy” mentality of thinking, that one could say some event, or the single aspect of physicality, is the judge. This will be something true, something complete, in all aspects, and the growth, emotionally, physically, spiritually, will happen all in the right time and speed as it’s meant to … this is something I believe will be a true and genuine relationship, for sure not fleeting.
And just think … in the time I wrote this, that last number is now forty and a half! 
